House of Blue Leaves

This is likely my last post of 2012, a year that was pretty jam packed for me in every area of my life. I haven’t posted much here on BeautifulSin this year, and I don’t doubt that my regular posting schedule will be put off a bit longer since I just don’t have any time to do anything I actually want to do.

And, speaking of what I want to do, my New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 were a blasted disaster. I didn’t do anything that I hoped I would — I didn’t lose weight, I didn’t make more time for myself, I allowed my job to continue to control my life ( and, by extension, allowed my mother to control my life ) and I didn’t de-stress. In fact, this year contained so many crisis ( including a major crisis in September that put a stop to *everyone’s* life for a month, and is now seemingly impossible to pay off ) that I haven’t been able to do anything *but* stress for months.

I’ve come to the conclusion that New Year’s resolutions don’t work, at least not for me. I can have all of the drive in the world, and when it’s important I’ve got a good amount of follow through, but everyone in my life seems to feel comfortable demanding all of my attention, all of my ability, all of my drive – all the time. I want to be there for everyone, but with a life full of psychic vampires with a never-ending thirst for attention, my time and energy gets all used up and there ends up being nothing left for me.

That’s my own fault, I know, and I have to learn to start saying, “No.” to folks and meaning it. But it’s hard to do, and I’m really screwing up my life by allowing this to continue.

I don’t have a sunny outlook, I know, and I’m not good at being optimistic, so I suck at writing a standard New Year’s post, lol. But hopefully I can learn from the mistakes I made in 2012 and grow up a little bit, maybe make some time for myself. I’m not going to many resolutions this year, just try and do better and see what happens. Which is all I can do, I suppose?

I wish you all a safe, happy holiday and all the luck in the world in 2013!

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